Dawson Filter as He Relates to Iron


Trapped in Saskatchewan, Dawson Filter and Sylvester Denny saw no option but to build a time machine. The main problem with this was that they didn’t know how. They remembered from spending time in Felipe’s time machine that it had a boxy sort of structure, with some sciency bits in the middle. Dawson Filter used the skills he’d gained studying origami to build a few model boxes on Sherlock Dracula’s porch, but it looked unlikely that they’d get much further than that. To make Dawson Filter feel better about his work, Sylvester Denny took a pen from the curb and wrote “Time Machine” on one of the boxes.

Just as Sylvester finished dotting his i’s, a portal opened by Sherlock’s mailbox. Out ran three visually impaired hoodlums, who kicked Sylvester’s shins, took the box, and ran back into the vortex.

“Seems like the thugs who got us stuck here are unsupportive of us leaving,” Dawson Filter remarked.

“Might as well give up now and never try to leave again,” Sylvester Denny added.

Dawson Filter began to recreate a diagram he thought he remembered from Felipe’s bulletin board, but before his 34th mark on the paper, the portal opened again, and a dentist with severe astigmatism lit the diagram on fire.

“Go to the iron store and get some iron,” Dawson Filter said to Sylvester, having an idea.

Paper was light, and easily disposable. Quickly disposable. If Dawson and Sylvester could force Wayne Rubblefish’s agents of destruction to stay longer, they should be able to run through the vortex themselves, quite likely removing them from Saskatchewan. Iron was reportedly heavy, and consequently difficult to lift. Difficult tasks take greater amounts of time than facile tasks.

When Sylvester Denny returned from the iron store, Dawson Filter took out the fire the dentist had left on his diagram; and began to weld the iron into a cube. Sylvester took out his pen to label the cube a time machine, and once again the vortex swirled at the end of Sherlock’s driveway.

“Ack! Terror because the people have come to take our time machine!” Sylvester Denny winked at Dawson to let him know that he was acting.

As four men struggled with the box, Dawson and Sylvester ran through the portal.

On the other side was a shockingly empty room. It had no furniture or dust. It did have air, but it wasn’t all that visible. It didn’t even have doors. After a few minutes of nothing, the portal closed behind them, revealing that the room was the end of a hallway. Walking down the hallway, they passed a door marked “Dry Storage,” and another marked “Moist Storage.” They stopped at one marked “Prisoners,” hoping to ask for directions. Behind the door was one Felipe, an intern of sorts, strapped to the bottom of a chair.

“Felipe!” Dawson Filter exclaimed, “You look very upside down today.”

“They hid inside m’time machine, Dawson. They took me here and now I am here, Dawson.”

Dawson Filter surveyed the room; and after seeing that Felipe’s time machine was not present, made an oral note of this. Sylvester Denny unstrapped Felipe, who, in his freedom, stood up.

“My time machine is dry;” Felipe said, “Now where would a dry thing be stored in a place like this?”

Sylvester suddenly remembered a door that he used to walk by as he was looking for Felipe.

“Inside of a room that says dry storage on the door!”

The trio ran into the hallway and kicked down the door Sylvester Denny mentioned. Indeed, there was a room behind it. Indeed, there was a time machine in the room. And not only in word but also in deed, the trio entered said time machine.

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4 thoughts on “Dawson Filter as He Relates to Iron”

    1. You will find out. Right now. It contained a Canadian rock band that was kinda popular in the mid-to-late 1990s. The room was equipped with a misting sprinkler that sprayed for a few seconds every hour to ensure that the band did not dessicate.

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  1. Brilliant like the impreviously unforementioned Iron Butterfly and why did they sound like rock and/or roll, lovejoy? Hmm? Fruit salad. Place a chunk of dry bread in your time machine to keep it extra dry while in storage for granules of wild bergamot stains in your bloodstream. Clickbait.

    Liked by 2 people

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